Who is in your life?

Have you got too many uninvited guests?

Ever thought of the people involved in your life? I look back on my ‘old’ life and I wonder how so many of them got there! They were really so much different than I and I wonder how much of myself I ‘gave’ away in order to make them feel comfortable. This is what a lot of people do without even knowing it. We tend to go out of our way to make people ‘comfortable’ in fear that perhaps they wont accept us. Isn’t that a shame? I have come to know now that everyone in my life is invited by me. Yes….I also know that I can 'un-invite' them as well….and I actually have! Integrity is a strongly valued trait in a person and there were so many times over the years that I felt as though I was compromising my integrity but wasn’t sure why. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew that a lot of the people I was surrounding myself with were not on the same page as I on most moral and ethical levels. Some days I felt as though I was fighting a constant battle with my conscience about everyday moral issues. Wow…what a waste of energy. Sad that this positive energy was wasted on such black and white issues because of the people that I was ‘bending’ to in order that ‘they’ feel comfortable. I have been removed from my first marriage for almost two years now and it has taken me this long to make this realization. In my new relationship, my energy is spent on positive issues, such as the well being of our children, myself and my new relationship. We have made blending our family a priority, along with helping each other heal from abusive relationships. We invite only those that we choose…to be a part of our lives. I have distanced or cutoff the negative relationships….why would I want to spend time and energy on someone who has a completely different set of moral and ethical standards. To me…you just can never see eye to eye and all this energy is wasted just trying to keep the relationship afloat…it will never thrive

As I/we as a couple are meeting new people and developing a new circle of friends, I am constantly asking myself the following questions:

-what foundation is there to our new proposed relationship?
-how will my energy be spent? Positive or negative?
-what moral and ethical issues do we agree or disagree on?
-are we moving in the same direction?
-are there enough similarities to help each of us grow?
-will we be able to work through disagreements based on fact?